A few days ago I got a call from a guy, who I’ve known maybe for 6 month or so. He was one time at my place, I never visited him at his. He vaguely uttered I could come to his next birthday party, but he never invited me. I don’t know, if I can call him a friend or what. But although we only met each other only once personally in the last half year, we have trust to each other. He is very open and tells me everything what’s on his mind. He called me two times in the last half year. And when he is calling, I know there is something urgent and that he needs my opinion or advice to his issue. So it was a few days ago.
“Yes, I still have this book which I borrowed from you…”. But I knew in advance, that this wasn’t the reason for his call. And he started to talk about his problem, as usually nonstop and in his nervous way as I knew him. I don’t want to go in detail but after over twenty minutes in which I hardly could say anything, he had described the situation from all perspectives with his high voice, although the content of his message could have been said in 2 minutes.
After all, it comes out that he had talked to a lot of his buddies about this situation, who all had said the same as me. And what I gave him as advice was actually nothing special and nothing what he hadn’t known before. He had said that he didn’t have a good feeling in this situation. So I only gave him the advice to trust his guts. With other words: to listen to his heart and to his feelings.
I’ve often experienced this with totally strange people, who gave me a frank insight in their hearts, that they said “Thank you for the good talk.”. It’s a bit funny because they spoke 90% of the time while I only was listening. And I by myself typically felt blessed through such talks and was thankful for the shown trust.
The last days I myself looked for advice in different communities. I’ve been having the influenza since last Thursday and searched for an appropriate remedy to get rid of it. The amount of information you can find is back-breaking. We know the saying: Too many cooks spoil the broth. And so I was confused by the overwhelming quantity of good and less good advices. Finally, I only have taken the old homespun remedies for my treatment, which I already had known before to cure my illness: a lot of sleep, hot tea, vitamin C and patience.
Back to my buddy: It’s good to have someone who is listening. That shows us: we are not alone in this world. It’s helpful to put our problems in words to untangle the dark and unspoken feelings of our souls. There is nothing what is in darkness that cannot be spoken out and bring into light in a secure and trustful environment. But to ask too many people for advice is confusing and a sign of insecurity and a lack of trust in yourself, and is in my opinion not very helpful. At last you have to go the way, at last you are in charge of your life, at last you are the last authority for your self. (Nov 14, 2017) (Volker Schunck)